When Your Yetzer Hara Is Like a Netflix Series You Just Can’t Turn Off

So, let’s talk about distractions. Not the usual ones like the latest Netflix series or the infinite scroll of social media, but the kind of distractions that sneak up on you when you’re trying to focus on the important stuff—like, you know, your spiritual growth and connection with the Divine. The kind that the *Duties of the Heart* warns us about, courtesy of the ever-persistent yetzer hara (that pesky evil inclination).

Here’s the scenario: You’ve finally set aside some time to pray or study Torah, and you’re ready to dive deep into that spiritual work. You’ve been running around all day with work, errands, maybe even some quality time with family or friends. But now, it’s time for you and HaShem. Sounds great, right? Except, just as you’re about to start, your brain decides it’s the perfect time to remind you of every single thing you need to do, have done, or should have done differently. Suddenly, you’re not thinking about the words in front of you but about that email you forgot to send or whether you remembered to pay that bill.

The yetzer hara is like that really annoying coworker who just can’t resist interrupting you right when you’re in the zone. You know the type—they always seem to know the exact moment when you’ve finally hit your stride and then swoop in with, “Hey, did you hear about the latest office drama?” In this case, the drama is your worldly worries—business dealings, debts, investments, or even that argument you had with a friend.

And it doesn’t stop there. The yetzer hara is crafty. If your mind isn’t easily distracted by mundane concerns, it’ll pull out the big guns: riddles, complex questions, or even philosophical dilemmas. It’ll have you contemplating the finer points of a debate or strategizing your next move in a hypothetical chess game, all while your prayer book lies open and neglected.

But here’s the thing—these distractions aren’t just about pulling your attention away from your spiritual practice. They’re about undermining your entire effort. When you’re mentally and spiritually scattered, you might be going through the motions, but you’re not truly present. Your body is ready, but your heart and mind are elsewhere. And that’s exactly what the yetzer hara wants. It wants you to be physically present but spiritually absent, to fulfill the letter of your obligations while completely missing the spirit.

So what’s the solution? Well, the first step is recognizing what’s happening. It’s like realizing you’re in a bad movie and deciding to walk out before you waste more time. When you notice your mind drifting, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, gently bring your focus back to where it should be. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about awareness and effort.

Remember that the yetzer hara thrives on chaos and distraction. It wants you to feel overwhelmed by the endless to-do lists and what-ifs that swirl around in your head. But you have the power to choose what you focus on. Yes, those concerns are real, and they’ll still be there after your prayer or study session. But by giving yourself permission to set them aside, even for just a little while, you’re reclaiming control over your spiritual life.

And let’s be real—sometimes it’s easier said than done. There will be days when distractions win, and that’s okay. The important thing is to keep coming back, to keep showing up for your spiritual practice, even when it feels like an uphill battle. The more you practice this mindfulness, the easier it becomes to tune out the noise and focus on what truly matters.

So next time you find your mind wandering during a moment of prayer or study, remember that you’re not alone. This is an age-old struggle, and it’s one that everyone faces. The key is persistence and patience—with yourself and with the process. Keep bringing your focus back, keep pushing aside those distractions, and keep striving for that connection with HaShem.

In the end, it’s about finding balance. Yes, we live in a world full of responsibilities and distractions, but that doesn’t mean we can’t carve out sacred spaces for ourselves. It’s not about shutting out the world completely but about creating boundaries so that when it’s time to connect with the Divine, you can do so wholeheartedly. And if the yetzer hara tries to mess with that, just remember—you’ve got the tools to outsmart it.

In my book Pick Me Up HaShem, you’ll find many prayers that explore how HaShem is constantly drawing us closer to Him, inviting us into a deeper relationship through prayer and reflection. These prayers are designed to help you connect with the divine presence in a way that transcends mere requests and taps into the true purpose of prayer.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into these spiritual truths, consider studying Kabbalah, the mystical tradition that unlocks the profound secrets of our reality and draws us closer to HaShem’s divine wisdom. Delve into teachings that illuminate the “why” behind the Torah, connecting the layers of Creation in a synergized whole and offering a glimpse of HaShem in a way no other study can. From the timeless wisdom of Rabbi Chaim Vital and the Arizal to the unifying insights of Rabbi Sar-Shalom Sharabi (Rashash), Kabbalah not only transforms your spiritual understanding but also brings peace, protection, and redemption closer to our world. Sponsor my study in this sacred tradition and receive its blessings for sustenance, health, and family, ensuring that the powerful light of Kabbalah shines in your merit.

Metatron: The Divine Middle Manager (and What We Can Learn About Relationships from an Angel with a Godly Name)

So, let’s talk about the Talmud, angels, and heresy – not your typical dinner conversation, but hey, let’s dive in. We’re focusing on Metatron, this enigmatic figure who’s more than just your average angel. Metatron is described in the Talmud as an angel whose name is like the name of God, and let me tell you, that raises all sorts of theological eyebrows.

First off, in Sanhedrin 38b:19, we get this fascinating exchange where a heretic challenges the idea of monotheism using the figure of Metatron. The heretic points out that Moses is told to "Come up to the Lord," which could imply that there’s another divine figure in the picture. Rav Idit, the rabbi on the spot, doesn't flinch. He explains that Metatron, despite his lofty title and divine name, is still just an angel – a high-ranking one, sure, but definitely not God.

Let’s be real, Metatron is a bit of a mystery. The Talmudic and later Jewish texts seem to present him as this big deal in the angelic hierarchy, but not without a few caveats. For instance, in the Haamek Davar on Exodus 23:21:6, Metatron is depicted as powerful but not omnipotent. He’s even subject to punishment – not exactly what you’d expect from someone with a name like God’s. The commentary notes that even Metatron isn’t above the law. If he oversteps, he’s disciplined, which reminds us that no matter how high you rise, there’s always someone above you – in this case, the Big Guy Himself.

Now, let’s throw in some modern relationship advice with a little help from Dr. John Gottman. Gottman’s research on what makes relationships work is legendary, especially his concept of the “magic ratio” – that’s five positive interactions for every negative one. Metatron, in his heavenly role, might just embody this principle. He’s there to facilitate positive interactions between the Divine and the earthly, to keep things balanced. But just like in a relationship where one partner can’t do all the heavy lifting, Metatron’s power has limits. He’s a facilitator, not the source.

Speaking of relationships, Shem MiShmuel, Ki Tisa 10:18 dives into the special nature of Shabbat, where even Metatron takes a backseat. On Shabbat, the Jewish people connect directly with God, without needing any angelic intermediary. It’s like having a VIP pass that gets you straight to the headliner, skipping all the opening acts. This direct connection is something like Gottman’s idea of creating shared meaning in a relationship – it’s about deep, unmediated connection.

Now, here’s where it gets really interesting. In the Tanya, Metatron is symbolically represented as a bird, each part of its body corresponding to letters of God’s name. It’s kind of like when you’re trying to remember someone’s name and you associate it with something visual. The Tanya uses this imagery to explain how Metatron embodies a connection to divine law and wisdom. But just like in any relationship, where too much overthinking can lead to trouble, the Tanya warns against getting lost in the details. Sometimes, you need to just live the experience instead of analyzing every feather on the bird.

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: Metatron’s role in the hierarchy of angels. Chesed LeAvraham tells us that Metatron is above other angels, but still under God’s authority. He’s got a lot of power, but it’s borrowed power, not his own. This reminds me of how in any good relationship, there’s a balance of power. Even if one person takes the lead in some areas, it doesn’t mean they’re the boss of everything. There’s mutual respect and recognition of each other’s roles – even if one of those roles involves, you know, running the universe.

But Metatron isn’t just a bureaucrat with wings. He’s also a teacher. In Avodah Zarah 3b:12, we see that Metatron might have been involved in teaching Torah to schoolchildren before the destruction of the Temple. It’s like he’s the ultimate substitute teacher, stepping in when things get tough. But even the best teachers know when to step back and let the students take the lead, which is what happens on Shabbat when the Jewish people connect directly with God.

So, what’s the takeaway here? Metatron is a powerful figure, sure, but he’s also a reminder that power is always relative. Whether in the heavens or in our relationships, the key is understanding our role, respecting boundaries, and recognizing that sometimes, the most important connections are the ones that are direct and unmediated. And remember, even if you’re not an angel with a divine name, you’ve got your own role to play in the grand cosmic dance.

Love, Honor, and Talmudic Relationship Goals: Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Romance

The Talmud's wisdom has a timeless quality that continues to resonate with us today, especially when it comes to marriage. In Tractate Berakhot, there’s some ancient relationship advice that’s worth dusting off and taking a closer look at. What’s fascinating is that these insights can easily be paired with the modern relationship principles that Dr. John Gottman has been sharing with couples for years. So, let’s dig into the Talmudic take on love and marriage and see how it aligns with what Gottman has discovered in his research.

One of the most striking pieces of advice in Berakhot 8a is that “a man should love his wife as much as himself and honor her more than himself.” This isn’t just about maintaining a balance in the relationship but about creating a cycle of respect and love that feeds into itself. The Talmud essentially suggests that when a husband prioritizes his wife’s needs and feelings—sometimes even above his own—it sets the tone for a relationship where both partners feel valued and respected.

Dr. Gottman’s research echoes this sentiment, particularly through what he calls “turning towards” behaviors. According to Gottman, couples who actively engage in these small, everyday moments of connection—like responding positively to each other’s bids for attention—are the ones who build lasting relationships. It’s not just about the grand gestures but about those little moments when you show that you’re there for your partner, that you’re listening and that you care. These interactions, although they might seem minor, are crucial to building trust and intimacy. It’s the same idea the Talmud gets at when it talks about honoring your spouse more than yourself; it’s about consistently showing up and being present in the relationship.

In Berakhot 57a, the Talmud takes it a step further, describing the love between a husband and wife as one of the things that are a foretaste of the World to Come. Think about that for a second—your relationship isn’t just about sharing a life together; it’s a glimpse of something divine, something eternal. That’s a pretty powerful concept. When you experience that deep, authentic connection with your spouse, it’s not just about feeling good in the moment; it’s about touching something that’s bigger than both of you.

Gottman would likely compare this to the concept of “love maps,” which are essentially the mental and emotional maps you create of your partner’s world. By knowing and appreciating the details of each other’s lives, you create a deeper connection that transcends the mundane. It’s this kind of connection that the Talmud might say gives you that foretaste of the World to Come—a relationship that isn’t just based on the here and now but is rooted in something deeper and more enduring.

But let’s be honest, maintaining this kind of relationship isn’t always easy. There are days when “love and honor” might feel more like chores than aspirations. That’s where both the Talmud and Gottman’s advice come into play. The Talmud isn’t just giving you the ideal; it’s also challenging you to strive for it, to keep working at it even when it’s tough. Gottman’s research backs this up, showing that couples who are willing to put in the effort—even when they don’t feel like it—are the ones who tend to stay together.

So, what’s the practical takeaway here? First, love and honor are not just nice-to-have qualities in a relationship; they are essential practices that need to be nurtured every day. And second, the love you share with your partner isn’t just about getting through the day-to-day; it’s about creating something lasting and meaningful, something that gives you a glimpse of the Divine.

Marriage, as the Talmud and Gottman both suggest, is a journey. It’s filled with highs and lows, but when both partners commit to loving, honoring, and understanding each other, it becomes something truly extraordinary. The work you put in isn’t just about surviving together but about thriving, about creating a relationship that’s not just good but truly great.

In the end, whether you’re following ancient wisdom from the Talmud or modern advice from Dr. Gottman, the message is clear: marriage is about more than just cohabiting or even just loving each other. It’s about building a partnership that reflects the best of what both of you can be. And when you do that, you’re not just building a life together; you’re building something that touches the eternal. So next time you’re faced with the choice between honoring your partner or doing what’s easiest, remember that you’re not just making a choice for today but for a lifetime. And in that choice, you have the power to bring a little bit of heaven into your everyday life.